Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
