You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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