my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
