Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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