do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
