they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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