you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
