Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
