Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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