how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
