True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
