He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Still dying that you shit outside
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
