There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
