He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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