last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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