he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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