It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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