Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
