Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
