Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
