I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
