yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
