An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
should my penis look like a turkey
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
