It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize