They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
