if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
