If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
