and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
