Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
