We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
