a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
