I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
