I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
