You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
