i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
