girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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