I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
