So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
