he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
