I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
