We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
