Do you still have your period?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
