It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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