HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
