I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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