drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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