Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Come on in and take your pants off
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