Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
