What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
