My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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