I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
